


Deep runs the scars

by Ancalima



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Action/Adventure, Ezra's missing a leg, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kanan makes worried spacedad noises, Most of the fandom thought this!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancalima/pseuds/Ancalima
Summary: Ezra's secrets come to light in the wake of escaping from the Inquisitors and the Ghost Crew is in for a surprise about their young crew mate. Who knew that secrets could run so deep when you're so young.





	1. Its just a stump

**Author's Note:**

> *fiddles with stuff* I'm working on something. Oh wait, this is what I'm working on. Hopefully it will go well haha

He waited until he was sure Zeb had left the room and wouldn't return for at least half a hour before he sat up in his bunk, quick fingers working on the panel he had loosened a month earlier when he was given his bunk in the cabin.

Inside it was a few dried pouches of food, some bandages, stimuli's and a few bacta patches which he had personally bought not wanting to steal from from the crew. The dried pouches didn't count, Hera had told him he could have some so he squirreled away a few. But last was the old toolkit he had hidden there.

Ezra carefully pulled out the box and settled it beside him before reaching down and rolling up his right pant leg, sighing deeply as he did. He was going to tell the crew, honestly, but at the moment he felt safer with his secrets then anything else and this secret...

Life on the street had taught him that this particular one was to be shielded and kept from view if he wanted to survive.

He reached for the synthflesh covering and pulled, exposing the circuits hiding underneath it and the durasteel that composed his leg. The actual leg was honestly rather durable but the inside circuits... not as much. Even some of the synthflesh had started to fade and Ezra had been forced to get a shin guard to protect his leg, making sure his circuits didn't get exposed and take more damage through the synthflesh covering.

He took a few deep breaths then started working on it with his tools. Carefully he started rooting around, used to maintaining it on his own. It had been expensive but when you lose a leg, you kind of need to go the extra mile. Lately though he had started feeling it lag in reaction, making him slow down and that was not ideal in any circumstance as Ezra quite liked surviving.

He gave the leg a glum glare.

When he had been four, he had stepped on a Imperial landmine, thinking back he wondered if that was why his parents had reacted as as they did, started their broadcasts. He stared at his cybernetic leg again then took a deep breath, focusing again.

No, he didn't need to think about that, not right now.

He needed to fix his leg, work the circuits and gears and make sure it was functioning to the best of its ability.

After all, the team needed him to be able to run and do his part of the work.

'Perhaps I'll tell them today...'

()()()()()

“So we're...rescuing this Jedi master then.” He offered, not looking at the others while he made himself a shake full of proteins and vitamins to eat, feeling his energy lagging. It had been what felt like a long day, he was exhausted and sore and he knew it was his stupid stump doing it. He hadn't had time to get one of his stimuli's yet and would have to count on the shake.

“You could sound a bit happier you know, she'd be able to help us all.” Sabine pointed out, frowning a bit at the younger teen. 

Ezra almost squished the diced up fruit he had been about to add to the blender but gave a short nod before putting it in and turning it on. “Yeah, sooner we get her, the sooner you can all ditch me...” He muttered to himself, confidant the blender would cover his words as he wiped his hands on a napkin.

Large Lasat ears twitched however and he looked at Ezra's back, realizing what was going on in the teens head but not sure if he should speak up as Ezra finally turned of the blender and filled his glass with the usual mass of fruits, powder and vegetables he made when they had fresh supplies.

They didn't envy him it, it seemed to help Ezra gain a bit of weight in the last two months they'd picked him up honestly from the extremely scrawny kid they had pulled of the streets all those weeks ago.

Ezra moved to stand against a counter, drinking slowly, avoiding everyone’s eyes as he slowly drank down, feeling some of his energy return with the food settling into him. He was to queasy to eat anything solid anyhow. He'd be leaving in a few days once they had Luminara and all he could feel was a microwave of resentment at the thought as he silently drank.

He didn't think rescuing her was a bad idea. He just hated the implication that once she was here, she'd take him on as a student. And the Ghost was already cramped, he didn't think she'd be staying there...and if he was her student, he'd have to go with her. Ezra inwardly sighed, if he had to go with her...

He wasn't sure if he wanted to stay then honestly.

But could he really return to the communication hub after this?

After seeing the galaxy and the stars. Until that day he ended up on the Ghost, he thought he was planetbound and now...

He clenched his jaw. He could figure out something perhaps, eventually. When push came to shove, he always managed to survive on his own. Perhaps manage to help a few people if he could now that he knew how.

He wrapped his arms loosely around himself as Kanan and Hera came in, starting to go through the plans with everyone. Ezra just quietly listened for the most part, his stomach squirming in discomfort the closer they got and the more the plan developed, if he had been listening to the Force, he would have known something felt wrong, just wrong, about the whole setup.

But he didn't listen.

And Kanan was to excited to rescue the Master Jedi. 

To excited to be able to dump Ezra on someone else.

He gritted his teeth together, reminded himself that he could survive this, survive being abandoned again. 'Business as usual.' He stepped away and let his shoulders sink a bit, taking a sharper breath then he intended to before moving of to his bunk to get his slingshot and get some time alone. Perhaps give his leg a quick check to make sure it would function if they were honestly doing this.

“Kanan, you errg...might want to talk to him before we do this.” Zeb offered quietly to the Jedi. 

“Hmm? To Ezra? He seems okay, once he has a proper master who can teach him everything things will go swimmingly.” Kanan waved it of as he examined the layout of the prison some more.

Zeb opened his mouth then shook his head, noting it was pretty clear that Kanan was not listening properly to him. 'That kid is gonna run away. He doesn't trust this woman.' He thought, shaking his head again before moving to sit in his chair and prepare for the mission.

()()()()()

'Focus on the mission Ezra. Focus, or we might get caught and end up here or worse if not.' Ezra kept telling himself, following the others closely like a shadow. But the further into the prison they went, the more things felt wrong.

He put it of on the idea of having to lose his new found friends once they meet up with this woman and saved her. This master Jedi. He couldn't quite hide a bitter grimace which made Sabine look at him before he moved after Kanan, paying attention to what the older man was doing and ignoring Sabine still looking at him.

They split up, Kanan luring the stormtroopers go another place to 'guard' the Jedi. 

“Wow, can you teach me that?”

Master Luminara can teach you, better then I ever could.” Kanan murmured, moving to the cell with Ezra following behind. He felt the resentment grow in his bones, trying to stagger it, to stop it, but boy was it hard and he felt it grow even more as he saw the woman sitting there in her orange prison sui-wait...

“Is that her?”

“Yes but something feels...wrong. Master Luminara?”

It came out then. Master Luminara was dead, long dead, her corpse mummified and the Inquisitor who had lured them there, using her bones to get the last o the Jedi's.

The Pau'an scared Ezra. He willingly admitted that as he tried to figure out what to do, putting Sabine's little miracle on the door while half listening to Kanan and the Inquisitor. Everything just felt like a blur, fighting, running, avoiding being caught and learning to trust more in the Force even with his fear running ramparts through his chest.

When he saw Hera and the creatures he felt his heart soar in relief, they were going to get away...he heard the hum of a lightsaber closing in quickly and gave a shocked cry as it sliced through his right leg, sending Ezra sprawling to the ground, sensing more then seeing the Pau'an come up behind him. Ezra put on a angry glare, he knew the other expected him to scream and perhaps roll in pain but with a prosthetic...

He grabbed his now useless foot and threw it with Force enhanced strength at the surprised looking Pau'an. “Oi sithspit! Have some head trauma won't you!” He snapped before jerking around and up on his remaining leg. He may not be able to run or walk but he could jump. He gave a desperate jump and grabbed onto the ramp of the Ghost, trying to pull himself up before Zeb was there and pulling him the rest of the way, panting heavily as he sat on the hanger bay floor, half of his prosthetic and shin guard missing as he just tried to get oxygen down into his lungs.

And then he yelped as Kanan grabbed him, kneeling down in front of him and reaching for his right leg, or what was left. “Easy!”

“Ezra we need t...to...” Kanan stared down at the limb he was now holding, a bandage in his free hand.

“...Its just circuits Kanan. Its not going to hurt or bleed.” Ezra carefully pulled it away from the hand, ignoring the eyes burning in the back of his neck as he reached to pull the remains of his pant leg up and pull of the rest of the leg, no longer needing the now destroyed leg as there was no way he could repair it. Instead he was left with the pink stump that cut of just under the knee, the scars long since faded in the years since his injury.

He grimaced a bit then shifted and looked at Kanan, avoiding his eyes by looking at his nose. “Could you help me up? I don't...I haven't had crutches since I got my leg but...well its kind of hard to walk when I don't have either that or my leg.” He muttered, tensing when Kanan placed both hands on his shoulders.

“Ezra, what, when...why didn't you tell us you...”

The teen felt a flash of anger and acted on it while jerking out of Kanan's grip. “When should I have? First few weeks I was here? Or when you saw the news about Master Luminara?” Ezra couldn't quite keep the bitter edge out of his voice. “Its not exactly something you volunteer on the streets so excuse me for playing this by the ear.”

He shifted further away and looked towards Zeb instead. “Hey could you help me up Zeb? Kanan seems busy interrogating me but I'd like to get of the floor.” But the Lasat was also staring at his stump, ears giving quick, jerky twitches.

“Oh come on its just a stump, you must have seen one before. Its just a stump.”

“What? Stump?” Hera came from the front, staring down at where Ezra was sitting with Kanan in front of him, the lad missing a leg. “Ezra!” She hurried down the ladder and over, ending up staring at the cut of foot Ezra had removed and then at the stump.

“Look, its been like this for years. I just need to...” Ezra ran his hands through his hair in frustrations, grunting. “...I just need to get a new one...somehow.” He frowned hard, shoulders slumping.

“Its alright Ezra. We'll figure this out.” Hera soothed gently, reaching out and gently touching his shoulder, ignoring the way the teen tensed at the initial touch.

“...Why? Its not like I'm sticking around, you're just gonna dump me aren't you.” He finally offered, arms going tight around himself. 

“I...what makes you think that?” Hera hands tightened on him before reaching in and cupping Ezra's chin to make him look at her, her big green eyes staring at him in wide eyed confusion. “We're not going to dump you Ezra!”

“But Kanan was more then willing to dump me on another Jedi the moment he heard of her. She wouldn't have stayed on the Ghost, its already cramped.” He shot back at them and vaguely heard Zeb facepalm behind him.

'I tried to tell him. I tried to tell Kanan.' The Lasat's ears twitched in annoyance.

“I...I wasn't going to dump you on her! She could have taught you a lot better then I ever could.” Kanan defended himself. “I just wanted you to have the best teacher.”

“And what if that's not what I wanted! I want you and I want this crew and this ship!” Ezra responded in kind before looking away, sighing. “I just...” His shoulders slumped. “...I want to go to my bunk but I can't because I don't have a leg to walk on and I'd rather not crawl and I'd just like to sleep some. Please?” He gritted out finally.

Zeb grunted and moved to Ezra's side. “Okay kid, lets get you to your bunk. I think you need your time out.” He agreed, giving Kanan a quick look when the Jedi was about to interrupt, shaking his head quickly.

He could smell Ezra was on the verge of bolting, would have bolted if he had his leg. “Some time for yourself.” He offered Ezra his arm and helped the padawan up carefully, helping the other hobble away from the rest. 

“...Thanks Zeb...” He whispered. “I was starting to...”

“Feel stuck? Trapped? Yeah...I could tell.” The older male offered. 'Like a caged animal, ready to gnaw his leg off and flee with what's left...'

“Yeah...that. I just...” 

“Hey. I'm not going to pressure you.” Zeb grumbled. “I know how its like to have things you don't want to talk about or share.”

“...Thanks...again. Just...help me up into the bunk and I can get down on my own.” Ezra sighed.

“Yeah, alright kid.” Zeb rumbled and the two continued slowly to their cabin.

()()()()()()

“...He thought I was going to dump him.” Kanan stared down into the caf Hera had made for him, his shoulders tense and his expression pinched. “That he wasn't going to be on the Ghost.”

The Twi'lek sighed and held onto her own cup. “I know. But from his standing that's exactly what was going to happen. And he wasn't exactly wrong in his line of thought dear.” She held up one hand when Kanan's head shot up to stare at her. “Hear me out. He's right, the ship is not that big and would feel cramped with another person on here. And she might not even have wanted to stay on the Ghost if she had been alive.” She said gently.

“She might have left for another ship or for a planet to hide on, and if she took on Ezra as a student, she would have had to take him with her. Ezra is...only now starting to trust us recently. He still hides a lot of worry and fear. And secrets.” She gestured to the ruined lump of a leg that Ezra had abandoned.

“Technically speaking, he didn't tell us, it just...came out.” Kanan sighed but nodded. “Alright, I see your point. But I didn't mean to dump him on anyone, I just...”

“Wanted him to have the best education. I know. I understand but you also have to understand where Ezra comes from, his point of view. His life, you might understand it better then I do.” She implored. “The only difference is that Ezra was younger then you and he never had a chance until now to try and become a Jedi. Thanks to you.”

Kanan set his cup down then buried his face in his hands, rubbing his face slowly. “I...need to talk this over with him, don't I?” He sighed.

“Oh, big time. And we need to scrounge up the funds for Ezra to get a leg. And we need to get him a pair of crutches until we can get him a leg.” Hera rubbed her neck as her lekkus twitched in thought. She was already thinking about how this would affect their already declining credit stash. “Do you think he has phantom pain?” She looked at him.

Kanan lifted his head from his hands. “Um...well perhaps. He doesn't seem to let it affect him though.”

“He doesn't want to show weakness.” Zeb grunted as he came in, moving to get some caf too. “Its common in animals to not show weakness in the pack because then you get left behind.”

“Ezra's not a animal.” Hera countered.

“No but he is a street rat, a orphan and a survivor.” Zeb countered. “You show any weakness there and the bigger wampa eats you.” He shrugged then took a sip, ears twitching as Chopper rolled by to his charging station. “So he's not thinking like you, me or even Sabine. I kind of get it because hey, I got my instincts. Your leg gets trapped and you're pressured and hunted? You gnaw your damn leg of and hit the predator with it to get away. Simple as that.”

“...You're rather...defendy of him right now.” 

The Lasat leveled Kanan with a long look. “I tried to tell you before this that you needed to talk to him. It was quite obvious he wasn't happy about the idea of you giving him over to the other Jedi. I mean his whole kriffing body language was screaming discomfort. He would have run of the moment he could. I get that, I get being uncomfortable and angry. I also get the idea of being abandoned sucks. His family is gone, no one took him in leaving me to think that his parents friends were either cowards or unable to and he was living in that comhub you picked him up from. Now you were going to leave him in some unknown persons care.” He waved his big hand and took a new sip of caf.

“...Thanks, I was already feeling like bantha dung.” Kanan flopped his head against the table.

“Eh, you're welcome.”


	2. Stirrings of the bond

“You could have told me.” Ezra rolled over in surprise then stared at Sabine, frowning ever so slightly, he had thought it was Zeb who came back to get into his bunk. “I could have helped you repair it or even improve it.” The Mandalorian continued.

“...I could repair it just fine, I have a toolkit for it...” He muttered, sitting up to sit on his bunk and watch her, wearing a spare set of clothes, a soft blue t-shirt and a black pair of pants. Both well worn and color faded from use. The right leg was missing any filling and was like a beacon.

Sabine flickered her eyes over the empty leg then looked at him. “I believe you. But I may still have been able to improve it before it got cut in pieces.” She stepped to him, noting how Ezra drew a bit back.

“...Look, its neither here nor there now.” Ezra shifted, looking away from her to look at the image Sabine had drawn on the wall. “Its gone, it can't be repaired, its sliced clean and the wires looked burned as did the metal.”

“First Light Ezra, you could have told us.” 

“Why?” Ezra's tone turned hostile as he hunched his shoulders together harshly. “I've been here for two months and you guys were going to dump me of on someone else. I didn't have to tell any of you sithspit about it.” He said firmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“We've seen our fair share of stuff, the clone wars left their scars.” Sabine argued back. “We wouldn't have...” She tried to get the right words.

Ezra however raised both eyebrows. “Left me? Like Kanan was planning. Or you said I should be happy for since the Jedi master could help us all? Yeah well, I've been alone a long time Sabine, I wasn't looking forward to being abandoned, again. Now please leave, I'd like to sleep.” He firmly turned and laid down, back to the door, frowning heavily.

Sabine opened her mouth before throwing her hands up in frustration and moving out, huffing loudly, intent on working on some of her art to calm down.

Ezra just laid there for a few moments, simmering before focusing, taking a deep breath. Slowly he let himself meditate, using what he had managed to learn from Kanan to quiet his own thoughts and let go, falling into a deep sleep. He was exhausted and all he wanted to was to take a long nap or just fall asleep really.

He ended up sleeping, feeling groggy and confused as he woke up. 

The first thing he did was to reach for his leg only to find his stump, his mind flashing to what had happened. Then he sighed deeply and shuffled to the ladder, slowly starting to climb down it, he made a bit more noise then usual and when he looked up, he meet Zeb's eyes, half opened.

“Sorry...I usually...I mean...” Ezra sighed in frustration, leaning his forehead against the cold ladder. “...Karabast.”

“Its fine.” Zeb sat up, giving a bone cracking yawn. “I'd be angrier if you had both feet but I know you can't help it right now. Need help to get anywhere?” 

Normally Ezra would bristle. But after the behavior Zeb had shown yesterday it made him only hesitate a bit before he nodded slowly. “I need the fresher...and I'm kind of hungry.”

“Not surprised. You've been asleep for a bit over thirteen hours.” Zeb said while pushing himself up and stretching until his back gave a satisfying pop. “Hera was considering waking you to get you to eat something but Kanan told her to let you sleep when he got a glimpse of your face. You looked bone tired.”

Ezra slowly hobbled along, grip tight on Zeb's hairy arm. “...Why are you being so understanding?” He asked quietly.

“Kid, I know what its like to be corned when you're injured and feel down right hurting in embarrassment. So if I can help you a bit along to getting a bit better, then its fine in my books. Beside, Hera talked about getting you a pair of crutches until we could get you a cybernetic replacement, she was trying to figure out which medical center would be safest to go for to get you tested and have information for the replacement.” He hummed.

“You could just go to the doctors on Lothal to get that information. Or well the initial. My parents had a doctor look me over when this happened.” He said before slipping into the fresher and closing it, never seeing Zeb's suddenly panicked looking face.

The Lasat hurried to the living room, hurrying to Kanan. “Kanan! Kanan!” He hissed. “Ezra.”

The Jedi jerked and looked up at him, half standing in alarm. “What?”

“He's been to the doctor, with his leg, the stump, whatever. That means there's a folder doesn't it? On Lothal, of him? Humans do that right, keep medical files on patients just like any other sentiment creature.” He shifted in worry. “What if Kallus or this...Inquisitor gets it?” Sabine stared from where she had been mixing some food. 

“All his medical information up to the last time he was there...And midi-chlorian test.” Kanan whispered to himself. “They might have those on file too. It used to be standard to...help Jedi's find the right child, if the Empire continued that... Kriffing...a lot of Jedi's came from Lothal, we had a temple there after all.” He buried his face in his hands, flopping down. “We need to get that folder.” He got up to inform Hera, moving quickly around Chopper and avoiding the zap happy droid.

She turned of the holo seconds before Kanan moved in, intending to scold him only to quiet down at his expression. “Lothal, we need to get to Lothal.”

“What's wrong?” She still set the codes in and got ready for the fly.

“Ezra, he has a medical record on Lothal, most likely with a midi-chlorian test. It used to be standard, at least before the fall of the Republic and despite Lothal being so far out, I do know that quite a few Jedi's came from here, meaning they did it too. We can't let the Empire get the folder regardless if it has a midi-chlorian test or not.” He sat down, staring at Hera. 

The pilot nodded firmly at that and frowned. “Do you know where we need to go? One of the smaller towns or...”

“Capitol City. That's where Ezra lived near and he knows the streets pretty good. Any doctors he would have gone to would have been there I imagine.”

()()()()()()()

“Lothal?” Ezra blinked out the window, leaning on Sabine's chair as they landed, clinging to it to keep his balance. 

“Zeb mentioned you've been to a doctor here. I mean it should be obvious really but...” Hera turned to him. “That however means that you have a folder somewhere out there. That the Empire could get and use.”

“And your midi-chlorian count most likely is in that file.” Kanan said seriously.

“...My what now?” Ezra blinked.

“Midi-chlorian. Simply explained, its what allows us to control the Force and live in it.” He pressed his hands together, staring at the teen. “The test would tell us how strong in the Force you are. Would tell the Empire how strong you are.” 

“...I remember the doctor...she told my parents that...” Ezra looked at the colored armor of Sabine's shoulder, frowning. “Something about me. Something...and mom cried that night.” He licked his lips nervously. “Could that be it? She gave them a disk and told them she'd keep a file secret, hide it?”

Teal eyes narrowed then Kanan nodded sharply. “She has it then. This doctor. Do you remember her name?” 

Ezra sat down in Sabine's usual seat, thinking hard. “...No. I...no but she was a Togruta. They aren't really all that common on Lothal, most travel through, merchant or bounty hunters or other things like that.” He looked up, peering at the others. “If she's a long term doctor she'd be on Lothal still and be well known...even if she was dead.”

“You think she's dead?” Ezra shrugged a bit, sitting there with his empty chair. “She might? I don't really remember seeing her again after I was...six? I mean...” He sighed and shrugged. “Look, I don't really remember the year between four and five okay? And half of my sixth is in a similar blurr.” Ezra crossed his arms over his chest, hugging himself.

It was a defensive gesture and Kanan had learned not to dig in to deep when his padawan was in this kind of mood. Since Ezra's confession though, Kanan had started to feel...well he he was pretty sure it was the stirrings of a padawan bond.

Turning back to the plains of Lothal Kanan frowned. “Hera, could you check...” He looked at the Twi'lek. 

“Of course. It shouldn't be to hard based on Ezra's information.” She gave them a quick smile and focused on doing a scan.

Chopper whirled and chirped at them and Ezra rolled his eyes. “No. I'm not going to...what no of course not, its only the leg. I don't have any other parts and no augmentation. Just the damn leg.” He waved his hand at the astromech when he continued whirling. “Oh sithspit Chopper, I wasn't trying to hide it really, it just never came up and I WAS going to mention it once I felt comfortable.”

“Language.” Hera murmured distractedly and Ezra shot her a annoyed look. “Sorry...” He mumbled and crossed his arms over his chest again, downright pouting a bit. Kanan shook his head lightly then shifted to turn his chair around and face Ezra. “Can I take a look at it?” He asked, gesturing to Ezra's stump.

“...Why?” The teen asked suspiciously.

“Because, its a stump without cybernetic now, I saw a lot of them during the clone wars and as far as I'm aware of, you haven't give it any care?” He raised his eyebrows. Ezra hesitated then slowly rolled his sleeve up all the way, Sabine peeking from her standing position. Zeb looked uninterested but the Jedi knew better, could tell how the other was glancing at him from the corner of his eyes.

Ezra wasn't wearing a cap over the stump but he had wrapped it in bandages that Kanan slowly undid, carefully checking on the scar tissue. It was neither warm nor swollen, which was a good sign. He carefully ran his fingers along it and glanced up to see if Ezra could feel it. Considering he was looking firmly away while shivering a bit, he could, so there were some nerves there still. “Its a bit dry Ezra, do you want me to fetch a lotion that you or someone else can add to it? I have one that's also a low level painkiller.”

“I...” Ezra tensed his arms around himself. On one level he wanted to do it himself, but on another level he never wanted to touch his stump. His shoulders slumped a bit and he nodded. “You. I...can't.” He whispered. If he was honest the stump did burn and itch quite a bit since he removed the cybernetic.

Kanan nodded at that before getting up, heading to his cabin. He had fetched the balm from its spot in his room that he usually used for some of his own scars that never healed well, it would do well until Kanan could get Ezra one of his own. Or well, until a cybernetic leg was attached again.

He came back to Ezra fending of Sabine's question with sharp words, Zeb trying to get the Mandalorian to stop and Hera still looking at the screens for the doctor.

They both shut up when Kanan came back, the man settling down in his chair and holding out his hand for the stump that Ezra had hidden again. Ezra shot Sabine a angry, red faced look before reluctantly giving it over to him, once again staring out the window.

His arms were tight around himself, protecting in the best manner he could and Kanan recognized it as a way to protect vitals. It almost made him sigh as he started to rub in the lotion. “We're not going to dig Ezra.” He shot Sabine a quick look, serious before he focused back on task, his fingers gently rolling around the dried skin, watching how it soaked up the balm he was spreading. “But we would like to know when you're ready to tell us. Because you are staying, with us, and we want to know how to help you.” A unsaid, we want to know how to protect you, was there but Kanan didn't think the teen would appreciate that one. Not yet at least. 

Ezra looked at him, his face slowly shifting from its angry scowl to a mulling, thoughtful expression.

Then he sighed. “I stepped on a Imperial landmine.” He finally offered them.

“An...Imperial landmine?” Sabine repeated.

Ezra nodded. “It was...when they started coming here to Lothal you know. Imps were rather protective of 'their' areas. Put out warnings and landmines and all.” His face twisted in remembrance. “Didn't really understand it then, I was just four and...it wasn't long after my parents lost...anyhow, they took me out to see some family friends on a farm and let me play in the grass. I was suppose to stay around but I was four and I wandered off.” He shrugged then hesitated.

Kanan slowly rubbed the stump still, but he wasn't adding more lotion to it, just trying to sooth, staring at his student.

He wasn't sure he wanted to know the rest of the story and from the way Zeb was grimacing and his ears twitching, he didn't either. He didn't have to look behind himself to note Hera's unease and Sabine's posture was nothing short of uncomfortable.

“I...wandered...didn't think to much of the signs until I heard a...click.” Ezra stared at the lights on the ceiling of the Ghost. “And then...everything went white.” He sounded almost puzzled. “I woke up in a bed in hospital with my dad arguing with the doctors and my mom holding my hand. I had apparently been in a bacta tank for a few weeks...” He shrugged and continued staring at the ceiling. 

“Oh Ezra...” Hera stood from her seat and moved to wrap the teenager in a hug, ignoring the way he tensed in her grasp before he slowly relaxed. 

“...Its alright. My parents got...well I don't really remember much from then. But I was given the help I needed, they made sure I could still walk. First thing I had was this...durasteel pole foot.” He smiled a bit. 

“A basic prosthetic until you were older I'd imagine.” Sabine offered and Ezra nodded. “Yeah.”

He looked down at the stump still in Kanan's hands. “...There was a settlement. I vaguely remember it. My parents got credits to treat me and get me a foot. Not... a lot but apparently the Empire was trying to make a 'good' impression on Lothal still and they gave my parents some credits to get me on my feet and...I think someone helped them get it?”

Ezra frowned, flashes of a older man with sky blue eyes and white hair appearing in their home in his mind as he sat on his fathers lap, crying in pain because his stump was so sore and he swore he could feel his toes bend backwards. 

“...Are you going to keep holding that?” He asked, a bit stiffly, letting out a breath he had no idea he was holding when Kanan let go of his stump. 

“I'm going to re-wrap it in bandages Ezra.” Kanan offered instead as Hera returned to the computers. He carefully layered the gauze on the pinkish scar covered skin. “So, the leg that got ruined, where did that come from?”

“I bought it. Took a ages to save up for. But Lothal does have a underground community and you can get prosthetic there if you know the right people and they won't talk about who their customers are.” Ezra shrugged, watching the careful layering the Jedi was adding to the stump, it reminded him of his mother when she took care of it.

“How'd you save for it?”

“By stealing.” Was the frank answer to Zeb's question. “I ran packages for pawnshops and I stole. I ran a few spices too.” Ezra shrugged awkwardly at the last one. He had done more things but he didn't want the others to know that. 

“Spices?” Zeb rumbled. No judgment in his tone. 

It was the only reason Ezra didn't snap at him when he glanced at the Lasat. “Uh...yeah. It paid decently, or well as decently as it could when I was trying to save up for a leg...” He looked down at the stump as Kanan tied the ends of the bandage together and made sure it was secure. “...Took me a year before I had enough but it worked, it was good. I mean it was used but it was the right length, it was strong and it looked right...so no one had to...to know. I mean before that I padded the prosthetic I had and made it look like a leg.” He was babbling, he knew that.

Why was he even trying to explain this. It wasn't like they wanted him. They were going to abandon him eventually. They didn't need to know how he had to protect himself and how the lack of a limb affected him.

And then he was jerked out of his seat and into Kanan's arms, his whole body tense, eyes wide in shock as the older man held him, awkwardly straddling the Jedi's lap. “K-Kanan?” He squeaked, blinking as a hand pushed his head down into the crook between Kanan's neck and shoulder.

“I'm sorry Ezra...for so many things.” He heard murmured and felt something shifting in the back of his mind. Something he wasn't quite sure what was but it felt soothing, it felt safe and...it felt like Kanan?

He blinked at that. “...I...I don't...” He reluctantly felt himself relax, Kanan's grip keeping him where he was. '...He's warm...' Ezra blinked before tucking a bit closer into the hug. 'And...and he smells like caf, cologne and warmth?' He blinked again, his hands fisting into Kanan's shirt. For a few moments it reminded him horribly of his own father after Ezra had nightmares.

He wasn't normally so tactile, Ezra knew that. The Jedi mostly lingered on brief touches to the shoulder and perhaps a head pat. The one who got touches were Hera though Kanan did touch them when they were injured and needed help walking.

But this was a full out hug. Warm, tight and...protective?

Ezra had no idea what to do with himself and therefor kept still against the larger and warmer frame with his arms trapped against the others chest. Just feeling and hearing the heartbeat of the other man.

And that presence in the back of his mind. Soothing, warm, protective that made him think of Kanan. Like a gentle whisper across his mind that he could block out if he wanted to. Did he want to?

“This does explain why you're always so tired after missions though.” Sabine's words broke through the fog in Ezra's brain and he glanced at her, his head still against Kanan's shoulder. The Mandalorian shrugged. “What, I know quite a few amputees, I'm impressed by the level of energy you're able to keep up. It also explains why you're always cold, between coming from a warm planet and having a lowered circulation.” She pointed out.

The younger teen hesitated before nodding. “Those shakes I drink...they help. I...the powder I put in it is kind of a...errg...” He closed his eyes to remember. “Not stimulants directly but something close, I don't remember the whole explanation.” He opened his deep blue eyes and continued peering at her warily. “I do remember they help my systems function as close to normal as it can and it functions best when mixed in with produce like fruits and vegetables to help combat any eventual bugs I might contract.”

“Your immunity is lowered then?” Zeb grunted.

Ezra hesitated before nodding against Kanan's shoulder. “I...frequently experience phantom pain, I'm usually tired after a mission or long training sessions but I can handle that with a stim or just rest, my immunity is lowered and I get cold easily. My nails have a tendency to turn blue because its my foot and hands that go cold first.” 

Hera nodded from where she was still looking for a female togruta doctor before switching to looking for old records of one as there was none currently active doctors. “Makes sense, exposed and minor digits. I imagine your nose gets pretty cold too.” 

Ezra just nodded to that and stayed against Kanan, the man not relinquishing his hold on him for even a moment. 'What is it with him? He's not usually this...touchy.' Ezra shifted a bit and made a low noise when Kanan started running his fingers through the teens dark hair.

“...You're being weird.” He finally got out.

“A bit. I just realized a few things that's all.” Kanan hummed before catching a piece of Ezra's hair, a air of contemplation entering his eyes. “I could give you a padawan braid.” He mused.

Ezra blinked at that. “A what braid?”

“A padawan braid. It used to be traditional when a master took a student.” Kanan shifted so the two could look at each other, still fiddling with the hair on the right side of Ezra's head. “It was meant to announce the rank and skill of a padawan, beads braided in as skills and trials were achieved and to show who was senior padawans and who was new. To show who a padawan was apprenticed to.”

“And you want to give me one?” Ezra hesitated at that, staring at Kanan. 

“I do. You wanted me. And I've been stupid.” Kanan smiled a bit, getting a small smile out of the teen on his lap. “So yeah, if you still want me to train you...then I'll give you a padawan braid.”

The two stared at each other, a quiet that seemed to last far to long before Ezra slowly nodded. The Jedi let out a breath he had no idea he had been holding before reaching out, slowly finding the right place before he started braiding.

“The master, the padawan and the Force.” He murmured while tucking the strands around each other, noting Ezra watching his face as Kanan focused on braiding. It had not been one of his skills but he managed a half decent braid with Ezra's short hair before remembering he had nothing to tie it with.

Well except for...

He reached back with the hand not holding the braid together and tugged out the cord holding his hair up, letting it fall as he used it to tie Ezra's braid.

He rubbed it lightly between his fingers before letting go and peering at Ezra. The blue eyed boy was staring back. “...That means you're my teacher now right. You can't just...” He swallowed hard.

“I can't just dump you. No. Nor do I want to. I do admit I wasn't considering your feelings on the matter before because lets face it, I'm a half baked padawan myself but, I'm not going to let you go now. You wanted me as your teacher so...that's what I'm going to be.” Kanan offered seriously.

Ezra gave a delighted grin at that before looking to Hera. “...You're staring.” He glanced around. “You're all staring.” He added and then huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “What?”

“Nothing just...its nice to see you actually relax.” Hera smiled, chair turned towards them.

“What she said, you're as tense as a tantum with wampas after them most days.” Zeb grunted and Sabine nodded.

Ezra just huffed at that and brushed the braid behind his ear, feeling the comfortable weight behind his ear.

“And its not often we see Kanan with his hair down.” Hera added playfully, laughing when the Jedi just flopped his hand at her. “Anyhow, I found mentions of two female togruta doctors on the search of Lothal. Both former, can you take a look at them Ezra? See if you recognize one of them?”

Ezra shifted of Kanan's lap and for a moment the man mourned the loss of contact before reaching out with a steadying hand as the teen leaned on the chair for balance as he peered at the screen. “Not that one, she's to young and she's yellow.” Hera brought up the other and Ezra nodded. “That's her, though a lot older now, her montrals weren't that impressive back when I was five.” He grinned.

Hera almost laughed at that before reviewing the information she had found. “Alana Mareko, from what I can gather, she's still on Lothal but seems to be retired. The information here makes no mention of a address though.” She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck.

“But Lothal...well she might be in Capitol City still then.” Ezra mused, rubbing the back of his neck. “Its a big city, lots of people. Even if she's retired she might be doing some clinic duties on the side as charity work. Hopefully. If I had my leg I could ask around some of my old contacts.” He sighed.

“We could fetch you some crutches.” Sabine offered.

“I...they might not talk to me then.” Ezra offered hesitantly. Some of them were on the rougher side of life. “I mean before they talked to me because I could run them a errand or hack something for them.” He specified, carefully leaning back so he was standing on his foot. “Its rather obvious I can't do that now. Or well I can hack but it wouldn't be the kind of hacking they'd need since their need of hacking would be the kind where they broke in somewhere.” He shrugged.

“Yeah well...back then it was just you Ezra. Now you got us.” Kanan intervened, gesturing around. “I'm sure between the five of us, we could manage to get their help.” He smiled then grinned as Chopper beeped and whooped in confirmation.

“...I'm not sure they'd take kindly to you zapping them Chopper.” Ezra said in amusement to cover up how his chest tightened at Kanan's words, smirking at the droid. “They're more likely to scrap you and sell you for parts.” He teased then laughed as the astromech waved his arm threateningly.

“I guess we have the day set out then.” Zeb rolled his shoulders, grunting a bit. “Find Ezra some crutches.”

“Find his old contacts.” Sabine chimed in.

“Get them to talk and see if we can get some information.” Hera smiled softly.

“And find his old doctor.” Kanan finished.

Ezra blinked at them then smiled slightly, nodding slowly.


End file.
